A faith conversation is not some planned, structured, or targeted happening. It is a natural conversation that occurs along the way as people share the times and places of life together.

A faith conversation begins with listening and attentiveness. There’s no room for preaching here. Take the time now to read aloud this piece:

Listen

Can I talk to you?

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
You’ve not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I
Shouldn’t feel that way, you’re trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do
Something to solve my problem,
You’ve failed me – as strange as that may seem.

Listen. All I ask is that you listen; not talk or do, just hear me.
For the cost of a newspaper,
You can get advice from Dear Abby AND Billy Graham
And I can do for myself.
I’m not helpless,
maybe discouraged and faltering – but not helpless.

When you something for me that I can
and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.
but, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you
and get about the business of understanding
and what’s behind this irrational feeling.
and when that’s clear, the answers are obvious
and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense
when we understand what’s behind them.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works,
many times for many people,
because God does not generally answer back in verbal
ways…
and (God) doesn’t give advice…
and (God) doesn’t meddle or fix things.

The best help comes from those who just listen
and let (help) you work it out for yourself.

So please, listen and just hear me.
and if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn – and I’ll listen to you.
Thanks.

Hmmmmmmm….Now there’s something to think about. We get so worried about having all of the answers or knowing the absolute right thing to say. It turns out that many times we can express our deepest Christian concern by always listening first – listening without judging, without interrupting, without jumping in to fix things, and without meddling; listening with our whole selves; listening deeply enough to hear his or her story and the feelings and emotions behind the story.

While you are listening, use all of the good communication skills you can to encourage the person to tell you more. Paraphrase aloud some of what he or she has said to see if you are getting it right. Check out the feelings he or she might be experiencing as he or she talks or the feelings connected with his or her story. Follow up with appropriate questions on the information that he or she shares. All of these activities help the person continue to share his or her story and keeps the focus of the conversation on him or her.

If the person doesn’t bring up some specific issue or concern, listen to the general themes and topics of the stories he or she tells. When you sense a particular theme or topic, check it out with him or her. See if that is part of his or her overall concern or interest.

Speaking the language of the listener

Once you have thoroughly heard the person out, ask yourself, “what part of my personal faith story connects with the concerns and issues (questions) that this person has brought up?

•If the issue is fear, I might share my personal stories about how my faith in God has helped me in times when I’ve been afraid.

•If the concern is knowing what’s right for him or her, I might share my personal stories about the ways God helps me make decisions and know the paths to choose.

•If the theme is death, I might share my personal stories about those times and situations where God has taught me about my own mortality and times and situations that have helped me to trust God that I will be lovingly cared for.

•If the stories the person shares do not connect with faith issues, do not try to manipulate him or her and attempt to engineer a different discussion. The time will come. Wait for the right opportunity. When you are a good listener, you will find regular opportunites to share your faith story as a response to a concern raised by someone within your circle of relationships.

From Youth Reaching Youth, © 1998 by Abingdon Press. This material may be reproduced for educational purposes.

Other articles in the Youth Reaching Youth series:
Planning Visitor-Sensitive Youth Settings.
Jesus Said, “Go!”.
Making Disciples of Jesus Christ.
Telling Our Faith Stories to Youth.

Brought to you by your youth ministry colleagues at Cokesbury.