By Mike Ratliff

It was to be a dramatic moment in the worship service at the end of our first session of the Faith and Sexuality Weekend. We were in our newly renovated chapel— the first group to use it. I handed a beautifully wrapped present to one of the middle school guys. Of course, it was never intended that he would actually get the present. I was supposed to drop it just as he reached for it, and the glass inside was to break—an audible reminder of the fragile nature of God’s good gift of sexuality. As the present crashed to the floor and the glass items inside shattered, this very nice, well-mannered middle school boy exclaimed, “Oh, S***!”; and so I had a great opportunity for ministry!

If you are involved with teens in ministry, you have experienced a similar opportunity at some point. Language issues seem to become more prevalent as the popular culture in the United States relaxes the standard about what is acceptable. At the risk of dating myself hopelessly, I remember the weeks leading up to the debut of the “D” word on prime time television (in the early '70s). There was great debate about whether “Frank Cannon” would actually use the word on his popular detective show—Cannon. In the end, it happened, and the floodgates seem to have opened. The taboo was removed, and more and more expletives became a part of the vernacular of what many would argue is the strongest indicator of popular culture—prime-time television.

The real problem is that the words no longer convey their intended meaning. I went skiing by myself last winter and heard one of the young adults on the lift with me speak a complete sentence using the “F” word for every element—noun, verb, adverb, adjective, and maybe even a conjunction or two! I was disgusted but also amazed!

As I’ve continued to work with youth who have picked up expletives from friends (and family), I’ve come to realize that part of their struggle with discontinuing their use is related to the lack of the word being tied to any real meaning. According to Merriman-Webster an expletive is a “syllable, word, or phrase inserted to fill a vacancy, without adding to the sense.” In other words, there is no real reason for the word(s), anyway. That definition is a helpful tool in talking about the use of expletives.

Looking to Scripture, we find other guidance for helping youth deal with this issue. In Psalm 19:14, we hear the psalmist say, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord.” Is the use of the “F,” “S,” “D,” "B," and other expletive words pleasing to God? It’s a good question, and a great place to begin conversation.

I know some groups that have a “Cuss Jar” and fine their participants for each unacceptable word. I know others who ignore foul language and write it off as part of who youth are. I’ve even known youth leaders who join in! Others respond so vehemently that they communicate condemnation for the youth along with their language. Perhaps there is a better approach. When James looks at the tongue in chapter three of his letter in the New Testament, his words are not confined to “bad language.” It is moreover, a treatise for using the power of speech for good rather than evil.

There are times when I confront the youth (and adults) about their use of inappropriate language. There are times when I recognize their spewing of expletives as a verbal struggle to represent feelings so troublesome that they can find no other means vile enough. In those situations, I try to focus on the feelings and acknowledge the words for what they are—a vehicle of expression. Most often, I use the approach of acknowledging the use of expletives and try to find a way to reflect their useless nature.

The “F” word is often used in ways that do not reflect the word’s origins—some sexual, some not. The same is true of many “four-letter words.” It seems that the best approach is to use the measure of Psalm 19 as well as James 3 and in relation to all of our speech—seeking to glorify God in all we say and do.

Brought to you by your youth ministry colleagues at Cokesbury.

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