By John Gocke

When I went to graduate school in Christian ministries, my advisors told me, “Take these courses, and you’ll be ready for ministry in the church. Take Greek, Hebrew, Theology, Church History, and Pastoral Counseling, and you can handle anything that comes your way.” Well, they were only half right. Those courses give you tools for ministry, but unless you learn to be emotionally competent you may fail to handle the myriad of people and situations testing your mettle on a daily basis. How many seminaries and graduate schools teach listening, responsibility, positive attitude, setting goals, understanding others, and self esteem? I am guessing few schools do this.

If you are in ministry, especially to youth and families, having this skill set is imperative, or you will likely end up just another burnout after a few years of full-time field ministry:

1. Understanding People—Youth and their families often need our help but have a strange way expressing it (like complaining). If we stop everything else we are thinking about and meditate on what it must like to be this other person, then we can feel empathy and understand him or her. Sympathy is just feeling sorry for someone, while empathy is feeling what he or she feels. Strive to have empathy, and the people around you will know it.


2. Setting Goals—Everybody knows he or she should set goals—especially in January of every year when people appraise their waist sizes. Just because you are active in your ministry and have an event to attend every night, don’t confuse that with accomplishment. On the other hand, achieving goals is a sure sign that you are on the right track.


3. Taking Responsibility—If you think everyone else but you is responsible for the failures of your ministry and church, then you have a problem. You are part of the whole. Take responsibility and ownership for your ministry and how you deal with other people. They will respect you for your maturity, and you will respect yourself more.


4. Feeling Self-worth—What you do is important to you, your church, your youth, and God! Developing a sense of self-worth is important in your relationships with others.


5. Choosing to Be Positive—We are what we think about. Incredible things happen when we dwell on Scripture and what God can do with the people around us. Read Bible stories about the normal people God has plucked up and used to accomplish seemingly impossible things. A positive attitude is a sign of trust and hope in God.


6. Listening to Understand—The best way to know how to help youth and their families is to listen to them. Don’t daydream or try to make a rebuttal to what they are saying—just listen and understand.


7. Valuing Change—It’s going to happen whether we like it or not. The fact is that change is often better than what we presently have. Let’s look forward to it instead of fighting it.


8. Being on the Team—You just can’t do the job alone. Two or three are gathered together is exponentially greater than just one. Join people in projects, and invite them into yours. The synergy will result in more accomplishments, and you will feel better sharing them with others.


9. Majoring in Communication—We all want to be understood, so why not excel at communicating? Youth and parents love clear communication about expectations, theology, counseling, and schedules. Strive to be your own editor. Speak and write to be clear.


10. Building Relationships—Put time into making and maintaining friendships and alliances that last. Get to know people by name, what they care about, and how you can be a part of their lives. You are responsible for the success of your ministry. It’s not about numbers or the accolades of your peers and pastors. It’s about doing what God has called you to do. So don’t let anyone or anything stop you. With a good, formal education, you will gain tools and skills. Continue your self-education so that you are also emotionally competent to be a success.

John Gocke is a veteran of youth ministry, having worked in various churches in Southern California and for Al Menconi Ministries, based in Carlsbad, California. John holds an MA in Theology from Point Loma Nazarene University and currently works on the staff of www.ileadyouth.com.

Other articles by John Gocke:
Eleven Signs of a Successful Youth Minister.
Dealing with sharing your office.
Christian Pirates?
Saying what you really think!
Cures for the Summertime Attendance Slump
Going Back in Time
The Epic Struggle Between Youth Pastors and Senior Pastors
You and Conan the Barbarian
A King Josiah-Kind of Christian
Fantasizing About Violence: Violent Video Games Promote Aggressive Behavior In Youth
Chico the Roach
Are you a Batman or Superman Christian?
Ten Skills They Don’t Teach You in Seminary
Teach your youth grace-not just mercy this Christmas
Five reasons you should encourage your youth to experience Christian music
Secular prophets in the business world and their lessons for us
Hollywood Secrets for Your Next Youth Meeting

Brought to you by your youth ministry colleagues at Cokesbury.

© 2004 The United Methodist Publishing House. This material may be reproduced for educational purposes only.

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